The Sith Report


Okay, the deed is done. It's all over but the snarking.

First, I coulda used a few more lightsaber battles.

Padme wasn't irrelevant enough. Turns out 'Padme Amidala' translates roughly to 'pensive, whiny fetus container' in Nabooese.

It's true what you've heard: R2D2 gives the most subtle, affecting performance in the film.

I enjoyed the subtle parallels to modern politics. "Anakin! Only the Jedi Council are wise enough to reform Social Security!"

I was a little disappointed in that this chapter failed to live up to the standard of gutwrenching painfulness set by the first film and opts for the simple mediocrity of the second.

The Jedi apparently are dedicated to the obtuse side of the force. "I sense a plot to destroy the Jedi." Really? No shit? Kenobi: "Padme, Anakin is the father of your child, isn't he?" What gave it away? The way I throw myself into his arms at ever opportunity? Or the fact that we share an apartment?

Painfully constructed, Yoda's sentence structures have become.

What's the most logical blocking for two lovers who haven't seen each other in months? How about she stands out on the balcony, absent-mindedly brushing her permed hair while he mills around in the living room like he's waiting for an elevator? Yeah, George, that works.

"The Jedi Council have tracked the subplot to an isolated planet ten thousand light years beyond the edge of importance. Kenobi, go check it out."

"Oh, Anakin, I love you!"
"I love you, too!"
"I love you more!"
"No, I love you more! And I love our baby!"
"I love our baby more than you do!"
"No, I love our baby more than you do!"
"Do not!"
"Do too!"
"Oh, let's not fight!"

Anyway, this one actually wasn't painful. Loved the visuals and the effects. The acting was wooden, but the acting is always wooden in these movies. It was thankfully short on idiotic love scenes and long on fighting.