Improving the Past


"Battlestar Galactica" is officially the Most Improved TV Franchise of All Time.

With that in mind, might I suggest remaking another little gem from the 80s:



I mean, we actually HAVE all the magical technology from that movie. Well, except the freeze gun. I want a freeze gun. It would come in SO handy.

And I love the "almost didn't quite get it" premise: supermodels having minor plastic surgical tweaks (I'm talking milimeters of eyebrow...as if scalpels are that precise) so they're, hello, SCANNED IMAGES will look better.

Yes, because In The Future(tm) we have full-body scanners and photorealistic realtime rendering engines, but no Maya or 3DS Max. Nope. Can't tweak a single vertex, honey; you gotta go under the knife. Nothing I can do.

That's so typical of Michael Crichton. You brought dinosaurs back from the dead? Fuck the Nobel Prize! I want to build an amusement park for rich assholes and their obnoxious children!

What's that you say? There's a mind-reading alien time machine at the bottom of the ocean? Better send a suicidal marine biologist and her mind-fucking psychiatrist ex-husband down to check it out. What could go wrong?

So, how's the new CD ROM coming? You know, we have a merger to consider. Oh, there are some fabrication problems? Well, I'm sure my develoment director will be able to work it out with his sexually manipulative borderline psycho ex-girlfriend who I just promoted to product management. No foreseeable issues there.