The Omen (6/6/06)

You know the story: US ambassador Richard Thorne's wife has complications during childbirth leading to the death of their son. While she rests in a coma, Thorne agrees to accept an orphaned child and pass him off to her as their own because, you know, he loves her and he's ALL about communication.

Funny story, turns out the orphaned child was born of a jackal and is destined to lead the armies of men against one another in the final battle of Armegeddon.

On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being "we're spreading democracy in the Middle East" and 10 being "humans are contributing to global warming," this rates a plausibility factor of about 2.

Nonetheless, it's a fun ride. My biggest beef with the remake is the same as my beef with the original: the second act drags a little as the main characters slowly, painfully work to discover that which you already know: Damien is the anti-Christ. You know it from the poster. These guys require all kinds of tedious evidence.

It's like the DaVinci Code...you can't bank on "the secret" in the movie because, well, anyone who would shell out $10 to see the movie probably already knows..."the secret."

But at least with the "DaVinci Code," the existence of a secret was an original conceit, so it makes sense for the original text to be slow on the reveal. Not so "The Omen." There are no surprises coming for the audience, so please, just get on with it.

But it was a fun ride. The only thing that freaked me out was how much Damien looked like my cat Snake:




And be sure to check out Mia Farrow in her most terrifying role since 'Husbands and Wives.'

Yes But Does It Make SENSE?

There seems to be a sort of limited logic at play. Richard Thorne seems to have set himself up to believe that either all of this stuff is true or none of it is. He becomes convinced that his son is the anti-Christ because a bunch of, okay, OTHER PEOPLE start doing weird things like committing suicide and killing his wife and getting killed in churchyards and the clincher comes for him when he examines Damien's head and finds the infamous 666 symbol.

But it never occurs to him that maybe this very same cabal of mutilated priests, psycho housekeepers and underground mystical knife peddlars who have been selling him (hard, btw) on this anti-Christ story might just be the ones behind everything? And not Damien?

First, take one orphan kid, tattoo his head and palm him off on a gullible American (preferrably one with a creepy-sounding name like 'Thorne.')

Next, bury a jackal in a graveyard, arrange a view convenient "accidents," release a few ill-mannered dogs on the Thorne estate, lace a few birthday party punchbowls with peyote, PCP and/or ketamine and sit back.

Finally, attribute everything to supernatural forces instead of human agency and then convince the father to murder his son before he grows up and, you know, DOESN'T become the anti-Christ, thereby blowing the charade.

If you really believed that Damien was the anti-Christ, you'd want to let him live because, well, the whole anti-Christ battle of Armegeddon thing is part of God's glorious, loving plan for all mankind. Killing Damien kiboshes God's good work.

No, the only reason to kill him is because he's NOT the anti-Christ. Once he's dead, you can attribute all kinds of nonsense to him.

And it's not like murdering innocent patsies and then backfilling prophecy around them to justify the killing is a completely alien concept to Christianity.


Three stars, Jason Bob sez check it out on cable.