Elizabeth


"I thought I had to go vote at 3:00 AM."

How many things are wrong with this statement? First, who votes at 3:00 AM? Second, if you can't recite the alphabet backwards, you're in no shape to vote. Third, if you're in no shape to vote, don't drive.

I was watching 'Elizabeth I' a few weeks back, starring one of my favorite MILFs, Helen Mirren, and one of the few actors who can hold up his end of a conversation with her, Jeremy Irons.

Elizabeth I is considered one of the great political leaders in Western history, but watching this film, not to mention "I, Claudius" and the various renditions of our own Revolutionary and Civil wars I've begun to realize that these people were not really all that remarkable.

I mean, back before fax machines, email, real-time global market reports and satellite-coordinated troop deployments, it really wasn't such a big deal to be a world leader. World leaders governed for life and made, like four or five decisions that deeply mattered to history.

On a big day, Elizabeth gets up, spends four or five hours getting dressed, broods pensively in her antechamber and then instructs her attache thusly: "Tell the chamberlain that I shall consider his proposal in due course."

And then nothing happens for six months. Then the chamberlain responds: "Madam, you are a most remarkable woman!"

And that's it. Then history unfolds around them and they get all the credit.

A typical corporate middle manager moves more political and economic mass ordering lunch for a team-building offsite. How would Elizabeth have faired if she had to grow her own food? Or coordinate a four-way teleconference between Beijing, New York, London and Paris?

Which brings me to my point: world leaders, by and large, are drawn from the least capable, least useful, least radical, least interesting sectors of the population. It should come as no surprise when they run their cars off the road or start unjustified wars or shoot their friends in the face.

They are the short-bus crowd, and for good reason. Having your OWN ideas is dangerous. Best to just parrot what you're hearing around you.

I mean, whatever your politics, you have to admit that Bush the Elder, Bill Clinton, Jimmy Carter, Richard Nixon and Eisenhower were the most substantial, intelligent presidents of the last 50 years. Look at that list. That's the cream of the crop? The best of the best? The finest of the finest minds?

And nevermind Ford, Reagan, Dubya, LBJ and JFK. These guys couldn't outthink a blueberry muffin.

_Profiles in Courage_ was a high-school level history report. It was no big trick to outspend the Soviet Union. LBJ used to complain about his testicles in official conversation. Ford didn't know that the Russians had control of Eastern Europe. Dubya's leadership plan actively includes the Rapture.

BUT...

It says something that a country can tolerate such mediocrity in positions of power and continue to roll forward, fat as ever. It means that the momentum of our society is ultimately immune to the stupidity of its leaders. And that is cause for hope.