WWWDD?


When you find yourself in times of trouble and Mother Mary has apparently bailed on your ass, to whom can you turn for words of wisdom?

After watching this, I think I've found an answer. Just ask yourself: WWWDD...What Would Willem Dafoe Do?

The idea is to think of what Willem Dafoe would do, and then don't do that.

Shall we? Let the blogging begin!

Streets of Fire

In The Untouchables, Sean Connery famously remarks that only a wop would bring a knife to a gunfight (those lace curtain Irish harps being such witty guys.)



But, in Streets of Fire we see that only Willem Dafoe would bring a pompadour, full body white cake makeup and a rubber blouse to a sledgehammer fight.

To Live and Die in L.A.

So, you're a talented but frustrated LA artist with a taste for ambiguously gendered stage performers and you just happen to be a sociopath.



WWWDD?

Counterfeiting! It's the perfect, untraceable crime! No way that'll EVER come back to haunt you!

Platoon



Look, I hate to say this because he's a friend, but Tom Berenger is shithouse rat crazy. Kill him before he kills you, Willem.


The Last Temptation of Christ



Let's see, do I want to get nailed to a tree or bang Barbara Hershey? Hmmm...that is a tough one. WWWDD?

Wild At Heart



Uh, Willem, when I asked you to handle the Sailor Ripley problem "discreetly," I didn't have assassinating him in the middle of a botched bank robbery in mind.

Next time, run the plan past me first, m'kay?

Light Sleeper

Look, Willem, cocaine is indeed a hell of a drug, but it turns people into assholes. So, if you don't like the company of assholes, you may want to consider another profession.

Weed, for example, attracts a more mellow clientèle.

Just ask Mary Louise-Parker.


Body of Evidence

Sometimes it's not what Willem Dafoe does, but who Willem Dafoe does.

Need I even say it? Don't fuck Madonna.

There should be an international symbol for this like there is for STOP!






Speed 2: Cruise Control


Peter Fonda could have told you, Willem: never take sloppy seconds from Dennis Hopper.

And Tom Cruise could have told you: never take sloppy seconds from Keanu Reeves.

American Psycho

When you're investigating a disappearance and one of your interviewees uses "Cliff Huxtable" as an alibi, you may want to dig a little deeper.

Just a thought, intrepid one.

Auto Focus

So the messiah, a drug dealer and Bob Crane wake up in a puddle in a blood-soaked motel room. The drug dealer turns to the Bob Crane and says, "who brought the weirdo?"



That's how you know you're in...Paul Schraderland! The queasiest place on earth!

Spider-Man

Stan Lee is a sadistic motherfucker, okay? If you find yourself in one of his stories and someone offers to strap you into a contraption, politely decline.




It's really easy: don't strap yourself into any radioactive or biochemical contraptions.

It's not that hard to remember. Use a memory trick. Like, if you find yourself about to be strapped into a contraption, just think: "I'm a fucking idiot for allowing myself to be strapped into a contraption."

9 times out of 10, you'll be right. The 10th time, you'll be at the dentist's.


That's all...Jason Peru sez those are dummies, dummy!