Snakes on a Plane
2006
dir. David R. Ellis



"I listen to stories and decide if they'll make good movies or not. It's hard, and I guess sometimes I'm not nice."
- Griffin Mill The Player

Mozart: "Why must we go on forever writing about gods and legends?"
Von Swieten: "Because they do; they go on FOREVER."
- Amadeus

Striker: "Surely you can't be serious."
Rumack: "I am serious. And don't call me 'Shirley.'"
- Airplane

There are two things that can make a film a classic: being timely and being timeless. Scoring one or the other is good, but both, now that's something.

Like most internetroids, I was initially delighted, then somewhat bored and then finally disinterested in Snakes on Plane. It seemed like a Zucker and Zucker sketch played way too long.

When the film finally came out, despite my affinity for Samuel L. Jackson and absurdist theatre, I somehow found myself with, uh, Stuff To Do(tm) that didn't involve going to see this film. And I wasn't alone: the public stayed home in droves.

But overexposure is a failure of marketing, not art. Still, the appeal of this film was all in the group dynamic. How well could it play on DVD? Had I simply missed the boat?

No. Snakes on a Plane, and I can't believe I'm saying this, is a brilliant film in its own right, NOT just as fun cultural phenomenon.

The first moment of brilliance was Sam Jackson's. Purportedly, he agreed to do the film if and only if the title remained Snakes on a Plane. It's funny, but it walks the line perfectly between Michael Tolkin's hip, insider Hollywood jokes on the infamous "25-word pitch" ("The Graduate....Two!") and Z&Z's obvious schoolyard yucks ("Airplane II: THE SEQUEL!").

So, out of the gate, they're both insulting AND complimenting the audience. They're saying "you know you see a lot of bad movies and we know you see a lot of bad movies...and here's another one!"

The other great appeal of the title is that it becomes an immediate and understandable metaphor. In the season finale of 'Weeds,' a child speaking at a junior high school graduation implores the audience to wake up and see the real trouble our society is in. "There are," he concludes, "motherfucking snakes on the motherfucking plane of state."

The next bit genius was the absolute pitch-perfect production values, acting and writing. Not to say that any of these were top-notch. Rather, as you watch, you realize that just as much effort went into the production of this film as was justified. It's not the over-produced snoozefest of, say, Posideon, but neither is it The Blair Witch Project.

Of course, the absurdity of The Cavernous Plane(tm) (also see Flightplan and Red Eye), the ridiculousness of the bad guys' plan (hint: if putting snakes on a plane is part of your brilliant scheme to avoid going to jail, you've made some bad choices) and the Buffy-like earnestness of our world-weary heroes plays about as well as you'd expect.

But the final piece of the cake was something I've only ever seen John Waters do well. Waters, and let's be frank, is a bad director. He's gotten better over the years, but he started out bad and he knew he was bad so he made the bad into good by going to high camp.

David R. Ellis may be a good director (his solo work is on the light side, but his second unit work is impressive), but he knew he was better off directing this particular film poorly.

The interrogation scene, where Sam Jackson plays both good and bad cop, is blocked with a bare lightbulb in the top center of the screen, leaving Jackon to scream his usual Eziekel 25:17 style monologue into a raging hotspot.

On the plane, when reassuring his witness that all is well, center frame is dominated by his bulging crotch.

Round this out by a supporting cast of pilots, flight attendants and snake experts all gesticulating with wild vaudevillian abandon and the whole film takes on a surreal, Waiting for Guffman feel.

If great cooking is defined by choice of ingredients, skill of preparation and beauty of presentation, then a good hamburger will always be better than a bad filet mingon.

Snakes on a Plane is a good hamburger.

Three stars. Motherfucking Jason sez motherfucking rent it; it's motherfucking better than you motherfucking think.